Lost in the Wilderness

Mary's Letter...

2011-12-12T20:21:00.001-06:00

To myson…

Oh howmy heart aches for you! It seems a lifetime has passed since they crucified youyet it has only been 2 days. I am unableto quench the tears running down my cheeks as they are unending. My arms acheto hold you. Yet, as much as I ache right now, I am think back to when theangel visited me on that night oh so long ago. I was so young and so veryafraid, yet I was consumed with wonder as he told me of you! My heart was overjoyed that I was to be yourmother. My family, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure. They questioned me,scorned me, rebuked me, and called me a liar. I mean, how is it possible tobecome pregnant when I had never been with a man?

Oh mylove, the trials I went through even as your earthly father questioned myvirtue. I don’t blame him for how he felt though. He was going to divorce me, well,until the angel appeared to him and assured him of your supernatural creation.He was so scared. The hurt and fear that would have been in his heart must haveconsumed his every waking moment.

We lovedeach other so very much.

How I waited for the day I could hold you inmy arms for the first time. Despite the gossip, hurtful words, and hatefulaccusations, my love for you was immediate and fierce. I knew you were specialand the truth behind your existence even if no one else believed me.

ThenCaeser, he decided to call a census. That was the reason we had to travel toBethlehem. What a treacherous journey for us. Your poor father, leading thedonkey I was riding and having to care for me. I was nearly ready to deliveryou into this world. My back ached, my feet were so swollen, and every littlejolt and bump wreaked havoc on my body, but I did not complain as I knew yourfather was worried enough about my well-being. He was so gentle and kind anddid not complain about the hardship upon him, always putting my needs above hisown. I miss him so much!

When wefinally arrived in that town, it was so busy! There were people rushing abouteverywhere trying to find shelter for the night. Your father searched in vainfor shelter for us. I was already feeling faint from the early onset of labour.Time was of the essence. I knew in my heart we didn’t have long as my body waspreparing itself for your arrival. My son, I was so scared! Where would westay? What would we do? My mother had informed me as best she could about howto deliver a baby into this world. I had witnessed many animal births beforethat, too. I just didn’t realize it would be quite so painful!

Finallyyour father found a stable, full of animals. It was crude, dirty, and had sucha horrible stench within of animal dung but, at least it was a place to rest. Iwas so relieved to be able to get off that donkey and lay in the straw. Bythen, the pain was becoming more unbearable. I was sweating, and the pain in mybelly was enough to make me moan. Your father was so concerned. He searchedfrantically for someone to help me but could not find any.

In whatfelt like forever, you exited my body and oh the relief and wonder as I gazedupon your face. Here was this child I was promised! Oh Jesus, the first time Iheld you in my arms I could hardly see you for the tears streaming down myface. I had no other way to express my love for you. I wanted to hold you andprotect you for eternity….

Oh myson, I long to hold you again. I’d gladly take your place. The pain in my heartis unbearable. I’m broken and empty and numb without you in my arms. I love you so much.

It’shard for me to trust in the plan that was shared with me so long ago. That youwere here to save the world from itself. My heart aches for you. I know yourFather is in control and in that I put my faith, but the hurt, oh the hurt oflosing you….

I’mamazed Yahweh loved me enough to give me You. Yahweh gave me You to share withthe world and His love is so amazing and awesome. How could He love me? Howcould He love those who harmed you, whipped you, spit on you, and crucify you?He is the one and only…

Yahwehis the essence of what love is…sending you to me yet allowing you to diebrutally at the hands of mankind as a pure and perfect sign of your unending love for us, your precious creations.

I stillmiss you son.

I loveyou.

YourMother

Christmas...

2011-12-08T19:31:00.001-06:00

...is coming.

It's coming whether we like it or not.
Normally this time of year brings about stress, feelings of resentment, anger, and a general "bah, humbug!" attitude out of me.

The shopping, the planning, the decorating, the baking, the logistics of who to see and when, the pressure from those closest to us to see them more and the impending guilt that goes along with that. I CAN DO WITHOUT ALL OF THAT!

However,

this year is different.

We're barely into December and the decorating is done, the baking is mostly complete, the annual Christmas photo is prepared and on it's way to many, many recipients, the Christmas music has been playing since November 25th but most of all....

I've been craving the peace that Christmas represents, the intimacy with my creator.

I've had Josh Groban's version of "Silent Night" playing on repeat quite often. It's my favorite Christmas carol.

The lyrics in that song speak to me. I'm able to envision myself on this amazing night, one like no other for this young couple in a filthy animal dwelling. The calm that came over them after the agonizing birth of bringing a baby into the world. Imagine the the first moments of bonding between Mary and her newborn as she holds this miraculous marvel in her arms.

This child we celebrate...

He then grew up into a man....

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ, the Saviour is born
Christ, the Saviour is born

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth "

No More Than A Girl...

2011-11-24T19:03:00.001-06:00

Mary....

She was no more than a girl when a powerful heavenly angel came face to face with her. Not only that, this angel informed her that she had been chosen by the Most High to be the mother of THE most powerful man to have ever walked this earth.

To read her mind during that time in her life would have been a privilege.

The thoughts, the fears, the questions, the wonder, the amazement...it must have consumed her very being.

I can only imagine some of the thoughts flowing through her mind.

How will I tell Joseph?

What will he say? What will he do?

How will I tell my family?

Will I lose those closest to me as they discover I'm pregnant? Will they believe that I was faithful?

Why would I be chosen to be the mother of this child?

Am I worthy?

She must have experienced such inner turmoil as she pondered her life, the life of her forthcoming child, and the man she was destined to marry.

YET....

Mary praised her creator with her whole heart. She trusted in His plan for her and this child DESPITE the rumors that were flying around town about her. She trusted in His plan as her soon-to-be husband had thought to quietly divorce her. She trusted in His plan despite everything that was swirling in her in and around her.

She trusted God. That's all she needed in order to become the woman that today's world knows as the mother of Jesus.

Greater Expectations

2011-11-18T19:26:00.001-06:00

Expectations....

We all have them.

We expect others to live up to our standard of what we deem is acceptable in society. We expect our children to obey, mind their manners, do well in school, and the list goes on. We expect our friends to be there for us in the rough times. We expect our parents to be what we think a good parent is.

We expect so many things of others.

But...

What happens when those expectations are not lived up to?

What happens when the people we expect the most out of end up disappointing us?

On the flipside, what is expected of us? What do others deem as necessary for our lives?

or an even bigger question...

What do we expect of ourselves?

And what happens when we fail to live up to our own expectations?

We can spend our lives striving to live up to the expectations of those around us. We start as children being taught to obey our parents and authority figures in our lives. We want to please them and inwardly struggle when we fail to do that. We feel we've let them down and in turn work harder to please them even more. Later on in life we aim to please our employers to so we can maintain a job for security in life. We want to please our friends all throughout life so they'll remain our friends.

But somehow, through it all, we create a mental list of expectations for ourselves. We want to please and not disappoint others. We want to do well in life and succeed. We want to marry the right person, raise well-behaved children, have a nice home and vehicle or two, and have that dream career that has been inspiration to work hard. We want to say we're happy and content in the end.

And when those expectations aren't met what happens?

Disappointment, resentment, anger and other feelings begin to set in. We start failing to see what we do have and can be grateful for. Our hearts can be sad for a time but in the end we are responsible for how we live our lives.

It's a sad and slow process as those feelings of resentment, anger and disappointment engulf our hearts. We become blinded to what's good. No, you may not have your dream home but you do have a roof over your head. No, you may not have that new expensive car but you do have a car. You may struggle with your spouse or children but they still love you for who you are. No, you may not have the job you've always dreamed of but you have a job to pay the bills and put food on the table.

It's time to take a look at ourselves and realize what our expectations are. Are our expectations reasonable? Is it time to re-evaluate and figure out what really is important? Does it really matter what other people think of us?

What really matters?

Hindsight is 20/20

2011-11-17T19:50:00.001-06:00

Change.It abounds.Seasons, time, people, even me.We have come through a season of change. This is change that we never expected to have but always longed for.Our lives have been turned upside down and inside out but in a positive way. Our Monday to Friday jobs no longer exist with their regular work hours. Our free evenings and weekends are gone. We live hundreds of kilometers away from our family and friends. The convenience of city life is no longer an option for us.And although we miss some of those elements, we are working on embracing an entirely new way of life. Irregular work hours that include many weekends and evenings, getting to know the people in our new community, and adjusting to the fact that we can't run to the store for this and that after 6 pm.My soul is adjusting to the changes too. Longing for the familiarity of HOME, of the people I can be completely myself around, and wondering if we really did make the right decision in making these changes.We wanted this change. We desperately needed this change. The process of getting here has been far from easy but it's exactly what we've needed. The fear of the unknown; where are we going to live, how can we afford to live,are we going to make friends, are people going to like us, are we going to thrive in this new community....it's all coming together now.I know God has a plan for us as a family and for me as an individual. It's not always easy to remember that though. As I reflect on this season of change, I can see that He has me and my family in his care. We've made it. We're settling in to be a positive part of this community. We're making friends and some of whom will be very close. Our needs are taken care of despite the worry my mind seems to conjure up.I am grateful to be here despite my moments of doubt and sadness. There was a time when I fully doubted this would be a reality for us...and here we are. It really is a miracle.

2010-11-02T14:53:00.003-06:00

So here I sit, a few months older with that much more life experience under my belt. Life has this way of changing you and who you are as a person. It's been a rough time as we've been dealing with my father in law's passing and, in turn, dealing with my mother in law (which has been difficult). Also, dealing with changes with my own family and the dynamics of things. The kids are getting older and needing more attention in different ways and it's a struggle to mold them and teach them at times without losing my patience.

There always seems to be something to work through, stand up to, or tear down. It never ends. Today I took Spencer (age 4) to get allergy testing done. It looks as if he's experiencing symptoms to do with asthma more than allergies themselves. I know he'll deal with it just fine because he's a tough little boy and is able to go with things as they come along. I, however, am struggling with this because I've had to grow up with asthma and it breaks my heart that he now has to live a similar life. As his mom, I want the best for him.

It's hard being a parent sometimes...

It's hard being anything at all sometimes...

Transformation

2010-02-22T09:28:00.003-06:00

I've been learning alot lately...about myself.

The last 4 years have been some of the most difficult years in my life. When I was in the midst of turmoil and tears, I did not see any way out. I was consumed with hurt, bitterness, and wanted nothing more than to hide from what life was offering me (or at least what I thought life was offering me).

I can see now that I am on the other side of my grief, bitterness, and hurt. Things still aren't easy, nor will they ever be as life requires work when it comes to relationships.

I can see clearly now that maybe God put me through all of this so that I can be a support to others going through similar circumstances. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when life has you looking every way but out.

I'm more content now with life and I'm ready to move on to new and wonderful things. Maybe it will include a new job for Lyndon, or even a move to somewhere new. At this point we don't know what's coming.

I'm still growing and changing and I'm okay with that.

Processing...

2010-02-08T11:57:00.002-06:00

I feel like I have all of these thoughts and feelings swirling around inside of my head. I want to share them with the world, but I have yet to pin them down into comprehensible expressions with which to use.

There are thoughts on God, my life, and how the 2 interact with each other.

There are thoughts on parenting, childhood innocence and what's happening in the world I am a part of.

I'm not sure which direction to go yet.

I'll let you know once I've developed something worth sharing and expressing.

Always Changing....

2009-11-04T15:38:00.002-06:00

Change is inevitable.

Some change we can control such as what we do with our time and who we spend it with. Other changes come that we have no control over. Sometimes those are good and we're thrilled to be experiencing something different. Other times, however, we have no control over our circumstances and the change comes whether we want it or not.

My life these days has had both positive and negative things that have changed in the last several months. I still do childcare for a living but the children I care for are different and are challenging for me to work with as we are only beginning to get to know each other.

I'm being pushed in a variety of ways to deal with issues within my life that frankly, I don't want to deal with. By nature, I'm a stuffer. I stuff my feelings inside until little by little they start to leak out and then eventually explodes on me. I do my best to be the person I want others to see, but if they had a good long hard look inside of me, they'd want nothing to do with me.

Change happens....it's good, bad, painful, joyful and many other things.

What's going to happen next?

Happiness....

2009-05-01T11:05:00.002-06:00

...can it be a reality for the average joe?

The search for happiness is on the forefront of every person's mind at at least one time in their lives, if not more. For some, it's a daily search and for others it's only occasionally or rarely on their minds. For others however, they've given up on that quest for happiness.

Webster's dictionary describes happiness as this:

hap⋅pi⋅ness
/ˈhæpinɪs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [hap-ee-nis] Show IPA
–noun
1. the quality or state of being happy.
2. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.
Origin:
1520–30; happy + -ness

Synonyms:
1, 2. pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in life.

It's human nature to want what's good and enjoyable. It's also human nature to yearn to be content in this life. There are many, many answers which a person could give when asked "what makes you happy?" or "what would make you happy?."

Those answers would include material possessions like a house, car, or the newest toy on the market. Other things such as money, a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, or children would be on there as well.

We all think "If I only had ____, then I would be happy, satisfied, and content."

The sad thing is that it doesn't work that way and the majority of people will never realize this on their own.

The newest toy will be bought, the house will be paid for, or the top of the line vehicle will be in their driveway and still.... they will not be happy deep down. They may say that they are, but it's all superficial happiness. It's not a lasting contentment. There will always be something more that can be attained. Always.

Maybe the search for happiness is a facade for the fact that we have this inner emptiness that needs to be filled with something whole and good.
In our human thinking, we continue to think of "if I only had ____" as I mentioned earlier.

Since the beginning of time, mankind has been searching for something to fill this inner void. Even David had something to say about his own search to be filled in soul and spirt.

Here's what David said:

Psalm 63:1-5

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

David acknowledged his inner yearning to be filled with something or Someone. He sought out God to fill that void in his soul.

"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods.."

I believe deep down that what David wrote here applies to every person on earth. We all yearn for something more to fill us and to make us whole. We want to be happy, content, and to have something to live for.

There are those who are dying inside because they have not found what will truly fill that void and provide the contentment and happiness they long for. Many have given up and are just settling for the disappointment and unhappiness that this life has handed to them. They go into what I call 'survival mode.' This is where the person just tries to cope and survive from day to day without really knowing what it is to LIVE. They already feel like they died inwardly, so it's just a matter of time and circumstance before their empty shell of a body follows suit.

Imagine what kind of world this would be if everyone found the contentment and happiness that David speaks of. Millions of people would be able to really live this life and not just survive it. Greed would no longer be an issue as the quest for the new toy, house, or car would be more of a necessity than a want. People suffering from things such as depression and other mental illnesses would be free of what's bogging them down inside.

So can the average Joe find happiness?

I believe it's possible.

The circumstances of it may be different for everyone, or the length of time involved in the journey, but yes, the average joe can be filled with a happiness that will last. We just need to look in the right place for it.

It's an ongoing journey that will take a lifetime to complete. I am still on that journey.

What part of the journey are you on?

Are you content in your soul or is it yearning to be filled?

Are you craving to be able to say to people, when asked "are you happy?", that 'yes, you truly are?'

Are you happy?

Leave me a note...

2009-03-09T12:56:00.001-06:00

...if you stop by here once in awhile. I'd love to know who you are and where you're from. I can see from my map on the sidebar that there are people from all over the world checking this out. I'd love to meet ya!

So leave me a note !

Another day...

2009-03-03T13:55:00.002-06:00

It's yet another day here in the cold canadian prairies. The sun is trying to shine, the coolness is still in the air, and the wait for winter's release is still on the forefront of most peoples minds.

Waiting for change to happen is difficult at times. Spring cannot come soon enough. Springtime means the snow goes away, the sun shines even more, the birds come back, and it just feels good to be outside without the cumbersome winter clothing weighing you down.

Waiting for other things is also challenging. Waiting to see what the future will bring in terms of life experience, jobs, parenting, and marriage. We never know what will happen. Sometimes we are so ready for change to happen that we'll do anything to make it happen.

I'm ready for that change. I just don't know where it will happen and in which direction it will go. I want more. I'm tired of the way things are at this point. I'm tired of settling for just what is. This life has got to be better than what I see in front of me. Going on from day to day just barely surviving and struggling to make it to even the next is just no way to live.

I want to live again.

The change must come, it must!

Life always seems to be a challenge....

2009-01-09T14:26:00.004-06:00

and things never seem to stop coming.

The last several months have been quite full and busy around our household. So many things have happened.

My daughter is in kindergarten now and she loves it! I was blessed to find another mom who walks her own kids to school every day and they happen to walk right past my house. She agreed to walk Kianna to school with her own kids as it is difficult for me to get out with all of the children I babysit.

Spencer is growing into such a big boy already. Talking in nearly full conversations with you and surprising us at every turn. He's definitely a boy! He gets into everything! It seems that it's daily where he gets into something and he either wrecks it, or just makes a big mess. He surprised me with his sweetness one day a few weeks ago though. I was in the bathroom doing my hair in the full-length mirror. He walked up behind me and just stood there for a minute. He then said "Mommy, you're boo-y-full." My heart just melted. It's nice to have those sweet moments and then try to remember them when I'm super frustrated with him.

I continue to care for other peoples children during the weekdays. It can be really challenging at times, but the kids like playing together.

I also continue to be challenged in many ways in many different levels. Different things have been on my mind and heart alot in the last while. Many of these things are items in which I need to work through and get over while others are good to experience. I am certainly being stretched yet again in ways I cannot control. It's hard. I'll somehow manage though to survive.

We'll see what's to come, right?

So the routine...

2008-09-25T07:32:00.003-06:00

...of this crazy household has finally begun.

Kianna's in kindergarten every morning
I'm finding time to do administration work for a missions organization
Small group is starting tonight
I STILL babysit 2 little boys (in addition to my own 2 children) Monday-Friday
Youth group is still on Fridays and I love it
Hubby is doing the junior high youth group on Tuesdays...

It looks as if things are going full speed now that September is nearly over.

And I ALREADY NEED A HOLIDAY!!!!

Ok, maybe I just need a holiday from the kids

A person's allowed to dream, right? ;)

I've also been spending more time in my bible. As I've been reading, I've been realizing that God isn't only the kind, concerned, loving God that we seem to hear about in church every Sunday. In the Old Testament it appeared to me that He was more blood-thirsty and craving revenge on those who didn't follow his will. At least that's how I imagine a non-believer to view things.

I've been processing this new realization for myself at how things were before The Ultimate Sacrifice happened with Jesus' death and resurrection. People were always sacrificing animals and sometimes even their own children in order to appease the gods. Our God, the one and only God, wanted blood sacrifice and accepted it in the form of animals on countless occasions which are recorded in the Bible.

I can see why God ultimately sent His son to cover our sins. There was then no more need for these animal offerings because Jesus was the final Sacrifice.

I'm still processing this so bear with me as I try to convey my thoughts...

(after all, isn't that what a blog is for??? )

:)

First day of Kindergarten..

2008-09-05T15:14:00.002-06:00

Kianna started kindergarten today.

I brought her to her classroom. We found her locker, changed out of her coat and outdoor shoes and into her indoor shoes. We placed all of her labeled school supplies in the designated area.

"Mom, when are you leaving?"

"Mom, are you going to go yet?"

The teacher read the kids a story about a raccoon who was scared on his first day of school and how it's mother gave him a kiss on the palm of his hand.

The teacher gave the kids a little heart to put in the palm of our hands (parents) and then they said good-bye and we left our children there in her capable hands.

My daughter had no worries about me leaving. She couldn't wait for me to go!

I guess she's ready for this new world called school.

More Tragedy.....

2008-08-15T09:01:00.004-06:00

and I hurt for them.

A mother was driving her children and a few other children to or from a birthday party at the local outdoor pool. They don't know yet why the vehicle went into the water-filled ditch. The mother and 2 of the children in the van were killed. One of those children was her own. Another 2 were taken to hospital.

I still don't understand why God allows for these tragedies to happen. I probably never will.

Yet another story of people in an unfortunate circumstance. There are several families who have been personally touched by this. I couldn't imagine if that was me or anyone I knew. My heart already breaks for these people and I don't even know them....

You can read the news story here

Summer Holidays......

2008-08-12T07:44:00.003-06:00

Summer has been good this year so far.

We went on holidays a few weeks ago and had a blast! We took the kids to the Calgary Zoo and to Calaway Park. For those of you who don't know what Calaway park is, it's an amusement park located just outside of Calgary. The kids both loved it, although Spencer was feeling a little jipped in the end because he was too small to do alot of the rides. Kianna could do quite a bit though. The zoo was cool too. The kids (and us) got to see the camels being walked to their new home, a baby elephant nursing and then bottle-feeding, and alot of cool other animals that we don't have here at our own zoo.

We then proceeded on to visit some friends for a few days. We went to Waterton National Park with them. We did a little bit of trail walking and saw some animals in their natural habitat...kinda... (The animals come right into the townsite like it's nothing different than being in the woods) It was the first time we've taken the kids to the mountains, so that was pretty cool. Spencer kept saying "mountains! mountains!" at every little hill after that.

I've officially started my new job as Administrative co-ordinator for Christian Volunteer Movement. There's alot to learn, and I still feel quite lost but I know that with time and experience I'll soon be running things smoothly.

We head to Manitoba in a couple of weeks to visit some other friends for a few days. Then our holidays will officially be over for the summer.

After we get back from Manitoba, I'll be taking on another little boy Monday-Friday. I'll have two little boys M-F until Thanksgiving. My first one will be done then because his mom is going on maternity leave. After he's done, I'll then start another little boy 2-3 days a week.

It'll be a little busy....LOL

So that's life around here lately....

IT'S A.....

2008-06-24T18:58:00.000-06:00

....NEW JOB!!!!

I had written a couple days ago about a possible job with a missions organization.

I got a phone call today asking me if I'd still be interested. Steve (the boss) said that he would be totally flexible with me wanting to do alot of my work from home. I can log as many hours as I want a week. The last person to do the job only used about 4 hours a week, but mentioned that it was never enough time. I can make this job into more if I wanted. I could do it full time if I really had the ambition!

I'm thrilled!

PTL!!!!

A New Opportunity

2008-06-22T18:31:00.000-06:00

Things have been changing quite alot lately with circumstances in my life. There have been many household changes happening lately that have been quite noticeable and very positive. That's been a good thing.

Another possible change has to do with my work. Right now I'm working Mon-Fri in my home babysitting a one year old boy. I also care for my own children. Saturdays I work as a receptionist at a local tire shop. The job's been alright and it's given me some reception experience that I can put on my resume.

I've recently decided to change up my workload though. I'll be babysitting more kids starting in the fall and I've decided to hand in my resignation for my Saturday job in the fall as well. I've just found that I need my Saturdays off for family time. Working 6 days a week has been just too much.

However, I have a new job opportunity.

My brother Matt has been hired be a local missions organization here to be their media person. He told me that their part-time administration person has recently resigned. I had expressed interest in that position to him. He then told his boss, Steve. At first Steve said that they had someone in mind but then yesterday I got a phone call from my brother saying that Steve was interested in talking to me and maybe even possibly hiring me. This job though, would be Saturdays just like my current reception job. I'll be asking if I can do some of the work at home while it's just me and the kids, and log my hours. If that's not even an option, then I might just be saying no to this opportunity.

I'm wanting this to be the right decision. Do I take the job or not? Does the need for quality family time on Saturdays outweigh my desire to have this position?

Having this type of job would contribute greatly to my sense of worth and purpose in this world. I'm longing for a place where I can use my God-given gifts and abilities and this a place where I could certainly use them. I want to be in a place where I'm more than "just a mom." I want something to be proud of when I say what I do for a living. Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids...but I want more to this life. I want to be more than "just a mom."

Keep me in your prayers as I make my decision. I'll keep you posted.

Thank you so much.

Daytime Excitement...

2008-05-29T12:08:00.002-06:00

Kianna decided she'd put on a concert for the rest of us in the house. Here's a stillshot of her as she sings her rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She's hilarious and always having to put on some sort of show. She's starting to be alot like her auntie Tammy.

Spencer had decided that he hadn't done enough brushing when given the opportunity to brush his teeth. So, 5 minutes later I found him sitting in the sink and ready to brush again. I just had to get a shot!

Preschool Is Done

2008-05-28T13:22:00.002-06:00

Kianna's preschool wind-up party was held yesterday at Kinsmen Park. She got her little certificate and a picture with her teachers. I'd have to say that the kids had a blast. Kianna and Spencer are definitely siblings. Just look at the photo of the 2 of them together.

I can't believe she's heading into kindergarten next year. Does time ever fly!

I think....

2008-05-26T10:57:00.002-06:00

that I can offially be classified as "Cool" now.....

That's me with Jason Dunn. He's the lead singer from the band Hawk Nelson.
I'm not used to this feeling......

Long Weekend Fun

2008-05-19T20:32:00.003-06:00

We thought we'd check out Kinsmen Park today with their rides. Both Kianna and Spencer seemed to have a good time. This was the first time where Spencer was old enough to really take part in the rides. He certainly enjoyed the merry-go-round but he wasn't quite as sure of himself when it came to the train ride. He mostly just sat there and soaked in the experience. Kianna had a blast as usual with all of these things. The best part is that we get to come back in a week for her preschool windup party. Now they're both seasoned Kinsmen Park participants.

Changes.....

2008-05-18T14:31:00.003-06:00

are a constant in this life. I have been learning lately that change can only happen if I allow it.

The thesaurus has these alternative words for 'change': alter, alternate, amend, barter, convert, correct, denature, diversify, edit,exchange, fluctuate, interchange, metamorphose, moderate, modify, mutate, permute, rearrange, rearrange, reform, remodel, swap, switch, take liberties, with, trade, transfigure, transform, transmute, transpose, turn, turn around, turn upside down, vacillate, vary, veer.

As I look over these words, there many I could use to describe myself and what I was afraid of. Why would I choose to modify myself if I was already okay with who I was? Why would I choose to be transformed for the same reason?

I have been resisting change for a very long time in some areas of my life. There have been several reasons as to why I've been this way, whether it was for fear, pride, or uncertainty of the unknown.

I've been also been learning just how much I like to be right. I don't want to be corrected. I've believed for a long time that I'm not the problem. The other person is the problem. That's been changing though. I've been realizing that maybe I was the one with the problem. I could hardly admit that to myself. I'd do my best to hide it and deny it. I didn't want anyone else to know that I'm not perfect and that I have my own battles and issues to deal with in this life.

Here are 3 words I would use to describe myself.

Stubborn

Prideful

Fearful

It is these things that have been hindering my ability to accept change in my life. I haven't wanted to change my attitudes, my thoughts, my actions. I've been terrified of the unknown. I've been too full of pride to admit my weakness. I've been too stubborn to budge.

Recently I have been pushed by some very caring and well-meaning people in my life to make some serious changes. They have put up with excuses, anger, and other not-so-desirable things from me. I know they've wanted the best for me for a very long time. Even with my reluctance they have continued to love me and pray for me and push me even beyond my limits.

I've been in survival mode for quite awhile. I've been living day to day and sometimes hour by hour. I'm learning that I don't have to live like that anymore. I can be free to dream and to have the life that I truly want to have. My fear, pride and stubbornness have all been barriers to that life.

I'm being transformed on the inside. I've given in to their requests (sometimes not so willingly) to work on myself and my attitudes. I'm finding a freedom and a peace that I didn't know was there. I didn't believe that it even existed anymore because it has been so long since I've experienced it.

God's been slowly chipping away at the walls around my heart and showing me that there really is more to this life than raising a couple of kids and just trying to make it on a daily basis.

There is hope inside of me once again. Hope for all things that I once thought was lost. I was dead inside. There were parts of me that were hardened and were beyond reach as far as I was concerned.

Change can be a good thing, that much I'm learning. It's not an easy task to undertake and certainly not pain free, but it's not as excruciatingly painful as living as I had in the past.

Miracles do happen. My heart is living proof of that.

"Our bear is dead....

2008-04-28T23:11:00.002-06:00

...Auntie Candace," said my daughter's best friend Jacob. I responded with a feigned and saddened response of "ohhh, okay, that's sad."

Then I watched as both Jacob and Kianna, both of whom are 4 years old, brought their attention towards 2 year old Spencer while they were holding this apparently dead teddy bear.

"Will you make him better Spencer-Jesus?," they asked.

I could hardly contain myself as they pretended that "Spencer-Jesus" could really make this pretend dead bear all better.

I just had to laugh. All I got in response to my laughter were a couple of confused looks of "why are you laughing? our bear's dead."

The innocence of children. You gotta love it.

Who would have thought that my darling 2 year old son could double up as Jesus and heal dead teddy bears?

Monkey's

2008-04-02T20:32:00.002-06:00

Life around here lately has been rather busy as usual. Kianna's back to preschool as of this week. I'm still babysitting on a regular basis between 3 different children as well. That certainly keeps me on my toes. Although, it seems to be my own children that cause me the most grief.

Spencer is most definitely hitting the 'terrible 2' stage. He's getting more attitude and getting into so much more trouble. For example, he decided one day during his nap time that he'd get into the garbage can full of dirty diapers. I'll just say that after naptime, he promptly got a bath and the sheets were put in the washing machine. Then only 2 days later during naptime, he found the bottle of baby lotion. He also got put in the tub and the sheets were put in the wash after that as well. Then this week, while I was busy doing some laundry, this little boy of mine decides he wants a banana. He pushed a chair up to the counter, found himself a steak knife, and was trying to cut a banana off of the bunch I had hanging on the hook on the counter. EEEEEEEEEEEK!!! Luckily I caught him before any serious damage was done. His sister was not like this at all!!!!

I wonder if I would have been done having children at one if he had been born first???

Blood Stained

2008-03-21T13:38:00.000-06:00

With Easter here I was thinking that I need to remember what Easter is really all about. It is so easy to get caught up in the chocolate mini eggs, fuzzy bunnies, and commercialism. This is a poem that I wrote in high school and that I want to share with you. When you are finished reading this, maybe sit back and take a minute to reflect on what Jesus has done for you.

Blood Stained

Trampled, he rose
Spat upon, he did not speak
Whipped, he did not cry
The jeering crowd pushed him on
The minutes turning into millenniums
He, an innocent man, was sent to die for doing miracles on the Sabbath
For healing people, for giving hope to the hopeless
He carried the cross, the shame, the humiliation upon his back
Sharp splinters tore through his skin like a knife
A crown of thorns caused blood
To trickle down his pain stricken face
Guards cast lots for his blood stained clothing-rags
A double-edged sword, shoved through his side
Blood and water freely flowed
Nails driven through his hands and feet
His cries of anguish made the strongest man shudder
Put up on a cross for all to see and mock
The power to cease the terror, the pain, only a faint whisper away
"It is finished"
The terror ended
The pain gone
He had fulfilled his purpose here on earth
The only sound left to be heard was the weeping of his mother

On Hiatus

2008-03-13T17:58:00.001-06:00

I will be taking a break from blogging. Thanks for taking the time to read my words everyone.

Being a wise guy.....

2008-03-08T19:23:00.003-06:00

or wise woman for that matter.

Webster's dictionary has this definition for wisdom

1.the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Taking a look in James, just see how similar Webster's dictionary definition and what James has to say.

James 3:17-18
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.

This is the best description of wisdom that I have found.

Peace loving:Wisdom incurs peace. It settles disputes between neighbours, siblings and friends. It encourages people to love and care for others.

Gentle:Being wise includes knowing how to be tactful. When positively criticizing a person, one shouldn't say things to demean them. For example: "You did a terrible job of cleaning your room." Instead, one should rather say something like "I see that you tried to clean your room, but it does require some more work."

Think of how you would react in either situation. How would you feel? Would you prefer the tactful comment instead?

Willing to yield to others:Being wise also means that you know when to say something but you also know when not to say something. There is a balance of compromise involved as well. And, with the ability to compromise, it saves much grief in the end. There is much less or no arguing involved and both parties leave feeling OK about what's just happened.

When's the last time you said something that you immediately regretted saying wishing you could take it back? Being wise with your choice of words, or choice to speak greatly affects how others view you and how you view yourself.

Full of Mercy and Good Deeds:Peace is also about having a heart for others. You are showing others how much you care, even when they've wronged you. It may be hard, but it leads to much greater things (or so I've been told). The good deeds show how you are able to go after this wisdom. It allows you to connect with others in a way that develops relationships in a positive way.

Shows no partiality:Wisdom doesn't take sides. It finds justice. There is no favoritism because with that comes jealousy and discord. No one likes being in that kind of situation.

Is always sincere:There is no faking it when it comes to true wisdom. It seeks after the truth in whatever circumstance it may be. With that comes peace and with peace comes many things. Good friends, good choices and whatever else that may be relevant in your own life.

For myself, I like to believe that I possess at least some wisdom. I know that I have a long way to go and that I'm not perfect, but I'm trying. I do have moments that I wish I could take back. Either I've said the wrong thing, made the wrong assumption, or just didn't catch on to what the other person was saying or needing.

I often kick myself because of these things. That's when I get the "if onlys" running through my head. "If only I hadn't said that...." or "If only I had done this for that person."

In the end though, I believe that I learn from those irretrievable moments. I'll be less likely to do or say those things again even though it was a hard lesson learned.

I believe it's important to display this kind of wisdom when dealing with any other person here on this earth. Without it, there is unhappiness, discord, and strife. It's not always easy for me to do on my own as I am human and have a tendency to sin just like every other person in existence.

I am convinced that wisdom is a precious gem to be guarded. Not everyone possesses the wisdom required to live a full God-filled life BUT I also believe that everyone has the potential to acquire that wisdom.

Where are you at? Are you wise?

I'm no where near that point...but I'm learning one lost moment at a time.

What's in a name?

2008-03-06T23:48:00.001-06:00

I just found it very interesting how close this was to describing me. Very strange indeed......

What Candace Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.

You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.

People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Sticks and Stones.....

2008-02-29T00:39:00.003-06:00

can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

That is one of the biggest lies that people try to convince themselves of.

Correction: Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will always scar me.

James 3 speaks about the tongue and the immeasurable damage and the powerful good it is capable of.

I remember in elementary school when there were some girls making fun of me in gym class. I still remember exactly how I felt and the inferiority and self-contempt that came with the deliverance of the words from those girls. I'm sure I'll never forget it. I truly believe that their comments affected me for a lifetime.

The tongue will either cause us to build others up and give them great hope and assurance or, it will cause massive destruction in the wake of what was said.

Jame 3:3-6
We can make a large horse turn around and go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a tiny rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot wants it to go, even though the winds are strong. So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the whole course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

It doesn't take much to accomplish some damage in either your life or the lives of others.

One false accusation, and the career of a pastor or teacher is over regardless of the truthful outcome of innocence.

Verbal abuse from parent to child allowing that child to believe she is unloved and worthless for a lifetime is a reality in this world because of the tongue.

Words leave scars for a lifetime when used by the tongue to damage and destroy.

What is it you say when no one is looking? Do you build others up or do you bring them down in contempt?

What we say when no one is around, reveals the nature of our tongue.

What's your nature?

And Heaven adds.....

2008-02-17T19:32:00.002-06:00

...one more to it's waiting list.

Kianna asked Jesus into her heart after supper tonight.

We were talking about my grandma who had passed away about 10 years ago now. Kianna asked me where she was. "In heaven" was my response.

"Can we go visit her?" she asks.

I then started to explain that heaven was where people who believed in Jesus went when they died.

"Just like daddy's grandma?" she says.
Lyndon's grandma passed away Jan. 24 of this year.

"Yes, just like daddy's grandma."

"She died on a cross." That was her conclusion. I think she was a little mixed up with her theology. I told her that Jesus died on a cross to take away our sins.

"Then where did she die?"
I responded with..."in her bed."

Then Kianna lets out a long oooooooooooooh and got just a tiny bit sad.

So from there we talked about going to heaven and who would be there and how to get there. I also had to explain that heaven was a place that we couldn't see. I don't know how much she understood, but she seemed to be ok with my answer.

Then I asked her if she wanted to go to heaven. And of course she did.

We prayed together to ask Jesus into her heart.

So one more on the waiting list into Heaven.

PTL

The Last Saskatchewan Pirate by Captain Tractor

2008-02-11T20:33:00.001-06:00

I got a kick out of watching this. I thought you might too. Enjoy!

Shelter

2008-02-11T07:52:00.001-06:00

Psalm 36:5-12

"Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O Lord. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see. Pour out your unfailing love on those who love you; give justice to those with honest hearts. Don't let the proud trample me; don't let the wicked push me around. Look! They have fallen! They have been thrown down, never to rise again."

Me and many other people I know have trouble really believing this at times. It's a struggle to find that shelter. We get so caught up in the disappointments involved with our daily lives, that there seems to be little time and thought put into searching out what God has to offer.

As humans, we naturally want to be in control of our lives and be able to dictate how we should feel about what happens to us. It's a struggle to give up that control. It's this desire for control that hinders us from truly seeking out "shelter in the shadow of His wings." We think we can do it on our own.

We know in our heads as Christians that God only wants the best for us and He can see the big picture of our lives. It's transferring that head knowledge to our hearts that's the problem.

Knowing and believing are two completely different things. I know many things from having been around this world for a long time. Do I believe everything I know when it really comes down to it?

Do I believe that God can offer true peace of mind?
Do I believe that it's okay to give up the control of my life to the God who made me?
Do I believe that God has my best interests at heart?
Do I believe that God really has a plan for me?
Do I believe that God loves me?
Do I believe that God can take away the hurt, disappointment and pain in my life?
Do I believe that there is safety in that shelter?
Do I believe that things will truly get better if I gave up control of my life?

When those disappointments in life come, how do you respond? Do you find the shelter that's talked about in Psalm 36, or do you continue to try to make it on your own while fighting and possibly losing battle after battle?

I need a holiday....

2008-01-31T22:55:00.000-06:00

January has been a super long month. I was sick for 28 out of 31 days. My kids and husband have all been sick and are now starting a 3rd round of sickness. Lyndon has strep throat....again, and the kids colds seem to be getting worse again. I've been wiping Spencer's nose on a regular basis for the last 3 days. You wouldn't believe how much cold medication and antibiotics we have gone through in the last month. It's been unreal.

What I need is a weekend where I don't have to take care of anyone but myself. I've been focusing so much energy onto taking care of everyone else that it's getting to be a little overwhelming. Okay, maybe alot.

A weekend or something along those lines would be awesome. Then I'd be refreshed and ready to take care of everyone else again. That's not going to be happening anytime in the the near future.

In the meantime, it seems that my stress levels continue to rise and my energy levels continue to fall. I know that this isn't a good combination but there's really nothing I can do about it.

I've been on the go since before Christmas. There just hasn't been a break.

Maybe people and circumstances will change for the better soon. At least I'd like to think it would. But, at this point, I'm not holding out much hope.

I was hoping that February might be a little better than January, but right now we're starting off on the wrong foot with every one being sick.

Everything's just a little much right now.

Anyway, that's my rant.

Talk to you all soon.

I need a new T-shirt that says....

2008-01-27T16:07:00.001-06:00

"I went on a youth retreat with 60 teenagers and I survived!"

This past weekend as you have probably already guessed, I was away on a retreat with the youth group from my church.

It was awesome!

There are several reasons why.

1. On Friday night before we left the church, the entire youth group sang Happy Birthday to me, presented me with a large signed card, and had me blow out the candles on a beautifully decorated birthday cake. Many thanks to the special young ladies who put the effort into making that happen.

2. The weather was great for a weekend of outdoor activities.

3. The food was amazing! There was even cheesecake for dessert after supper on Saturday. That was even more awesome because the cook made it because it was my birthday.

4. I was made to feel soooo special and appreciated by the entire youth group. There were many "happy birthdays" said, many hugs given, and tonnes of words of appreciation. It really touched me! I love being a part of the lives of these young women. I love them sooo much.

5. This is by far the most important reason.

GOD WAS THERE

We went through a few studies together as small groups. The discussion in my group was always thought provoking and eye opening to everyone involved. We could have used more time for every single one of the three sessions. We spoke about self-image, authentic friendships, and purity. All of these issues being huge in the lives of teenage girls. I believe that there is much life change in the works for each and every one of these young ladies.

Now I get to look forward to hanging out with them again at YC 2008 in Edmonton!

Household Update

2008-01-22T08:14:00.000-06:00

My posts have been lacking lately.

Here's why.

All 4 of us have been battling colds as of late. The day after we discovered Spencer's pinkeye, both kids woke up with nasty colds. Spencer's had a fever here and there the last few days. Kianna's also been a little bit feverish but not quite as much as her brother.

It's hard on the kids. Kianna coughed so hard this morning she threw up. Spencer's just been feeling yucky in general. I feel terrible for them but there's only so much I can do to comfort them.

I took both kids and myself to the doctor on Sunday and we just have viral colds. That just means we have to wait it out.

It's been a looooong 3 weeks of sickness around here.

Maybe February will be better.

Sick.....

2008-01-18T01:13:00.000-06:00

So just as I thought we were starting to get things under control in regards to the sickness that has been flooding our household, we have officially started to face round 2 of this monster.

1. I'm still not better and have a nasty cough that keeps me up during the night.
2. Kianna's starting to get a cold.
3. Lyndon's still not feeling better.
4. Spencer now has pink-eye.

I'm just sooo tired of dealing with all of this. It's certainly frustrating. I've been losing sleep, becoming more cranky, and just flat out sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's been an extremely long January.

When will it end?

I'm still....

2008-01-14T07:41:00.000-06:00

here.

Things have just been so out of wack lately as the 3 of us have been trying to get better from the strep throat episode and getting back into routine.

I think life will be a little more tolerable once routine is established again.

When all is said and done.....

2008-01-06T13:41:00.001-06:00

Tammy and Drew have officially begun the journey called marriage.

Their wedding day was a good one. You couldn't have asked for better January weather for a winter wedding day. The sun was out, it was hovering around the 0 degree mark, and there wasn't much wind.

I don't believe that there was anything that went wrong in terms of the wedding day.

But....and there's always a BUT....

I got strep throat this week and only realized it on Friday just hours before the wedding rehearsal. My throat was sooooo sore. It hurt to drink water! I cringed every time I had to swallow and I had lost my voice. It wouldn't have been much of a problem execpt that I was supposed to read some passages at the ceremony the next day. I wasn't sure until just before the ceremony began if I would do it or not. I'm sure there were people praying that I'd feel better for this. I went from not even being able to drink water at the rehearsal dinner the night before and wanting to head into emergency for painkillers (which I didn't do) to having enough voice and almost no throat pain overnight. I was sooo glad I was able to do my part in Tammy's wedding. Both of us were really disappointed with the idea of me not being able to do that.

Then, to top everything off, as all of the girls...bridesmaids, Tammy, myself and Kianna, were getting dressed and prepared for the ceremony, Kianna's eye was bothering her and had some goop in it. I realized it was pink-eye! What rotten timing. An hour before the ceremony she has to get this. So, I called a friend who had eye-drops, sent Lyndon over there and had him bring the drops to us, and Kianna's been getting the drops ever since.

My poor girl had to deal with her hurting eye, being over-tired, and being in the wedding party all at the same time. It was rough but she did okay despite everything. The wedding pictures will show her with her one droopy eye though. Oh well, there's nothing you can do.

But, when all is said and done, Tammy and Drew are husband and wife now. That's what matters.

No Screaming and Writhing.....

2008-01-04T09:43:00.000-06:00

Spencer had his second haircut in order to get all spiffed up for his auntie's wedding.

Here's the before, during and after shots of him.

The last time we had his hair cut I had to hold a screaming, writhing and crying little boy as the stylist did her best to cut his hair in the midst of it.

I was so impressed with him this time. He sat there like an angel the entire time.

My little boy is growing up so fast!

The Fire Department Visited Me Today......

2008-01-03T16:06:00.000-06:00

I had a visit from 3 wonderful firefighters this morning.

He's the story behind that visit.

I had gone upstairs to change Spencer's diaper and smelled something funny (and no, it wasn't his diaper). At first I thought it could be natural gas but quickly ruled it out because what I was smelling didn't have the lovely aroma of rotten eggs. Then I ruled out carbon monoxide because that has no scent.

So, the next thing I did was call my dad. He wasn't able to come over at the time but he was going to get someone to come to my place and help find the problem.

In the meantime, there were several things going through my mind.

What if it's a gas leak?
What if there's something smoldering in the walls undetected?
What am I going to do with myself and the 3 kids in the meantime?

My heart was pounding so hard you probably could have heard it across the room.

I was really scared.

Then I called a friend to see if she maybe had any other ideas as to what it could be. She suggested to check all the appliances and then it hit me! I ran the dishwasher this morning. So I checked inside the dishwasher.

There it was!

A plastic mixing spoon had fallen off the top rack of the dishwasher and was stuck to the element.

The smell I was smelling.....burning plastic.

I called my dad back to say that I had most likely found the problem. That's when he told me he had called my uncle who's a firefighter. My uncle told him to call the fire department to come and check things out. So that's what my dad did.

I discovered the melted piece of plastic just before the fire truck showed up.

It was nice to have them come in and confirm that the spoon was the only problem.

So that was the excitement at our house today.

I was so relieved.

I hope.....

2007-12-26T23:12:00.001-06:00

this lasts for a lifetime.

One of these things...

2007-12-26T14:10:00.000-06:00

is not like the other, one of these things just isn't the same....

These pictures were taken yesterday. I'd have to say they turned out very well. Who knows, maybe our parents might end up with copies of these for mother's/father's day this year.

It's not very often where my siblings and I are all together. The first picture is of myself and my sister Tammy. The second one is of my brothers, Jay and Matthew.

Would you believe we're all siblings? We don't all look alike.

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T11:10:00.000-06:00

I'd have to say that I think both of my children are pleased with what they received as gifts this year from us.

Kianna was wanting a kitchen set for Christmas so it worked out well that we were able to get her one even before she had suggested it. The picture of her standing there looking at the kitchen was her first look at it. What a look of pleasure. The toque on her head was in her stocking. She obviously loves it. As of right now, she still hasn't taken it off.

It was nice to see the kids pretending to cook together. Hopefully this sharing attitude will last between the two of them for a long time to come.

Spencer quite likes his rocking cow. Yes, I said cow.

I got Lyndon a poker set. He didn't see it coming. He likes it alot.

I got a digital camera from Lyndon (his parents went in on it too). I quite like it. I needed a new one seeing as how the screen on my other was stomped on last christmas.

I know that Christmas is more than a bunch of presents. But I must say that I got so much joy out of watching my kids and their reactions to what we gave them. It's wonderful to see the thrill on their faces (as you can see Kianna's look in the above photo).

Merry Christmas everyone.

Wedding Memories....

2007-12-20T15:48:00.000-06:00

My sister is getting married in just a couple of weeks. It's a very exciting time for her. This picture is of her singing at my own wedding over 6 years ago. It'll be neat to see her as the bride this time around. And no, I'm not singing at her wedding. I'm nowhere near as talented as her in that department.

Congratulations Tammy and Drew. I hope for all the best for you.

The Next Generation....

2007-12-17T01:19:00.000-06:00

I was looking through my photos and found these.

The newer one was taken in early January 2004. It was only 2 weeks after Kianna was born. There are 5 generations of women here.

Of course, Kianna is the baby in this photo. My great-grandma is holding her. I'm standing behind them. Standing next to me is my mom. Sitting in front of my mom is my grandma.

The older one was taken in 1982 with 5 generations of women (all of whom are the oldest in each generation). Of course in this one, I'm the baby.

My mom sitting in this one and holding me. My grandma is standing behind my mom. Standing beside my grandma is my great-grandma and sitting beside my mom is my great-great-grandma.

I just thought it was really neat that I had a piece of history such as this. I believe this to be a rare item to possess.

It's almost here...

2007-12-14T08:37:00.000-06:00

and I'm not ready.

I am feeling more and more that Christmas has become too commercialized and full of empty traditions.

Why do we have to buy a gift for everyone?

Why do we have to eat a big meal that only ends up being more work than it's worth after it's gobbled down in less than 15 minutes? It only leaves a whole lot more dishes to clean up after supper than it would on any other given day.

Why is it so much more important to get together with family at this time of year than it is at any other time of year?

I guess you could say I'm a little like scrooge this year. I'm just so overwhelmed with all of the things I'm expected to do that I don't have any joy in this season.

Everyone has their own expectations of what Christmas should be like and is about.

My expectations just don't exist anymore as I strive to (for some crazy reason) fulfill all of the things expected of me by others.

This year a good Christmas present for me would be to have no Christmas.

Christmas equals stress, disappointing at least one family member (although it could be a different person every year), making a big meal that no one really appreciates in the long run so it's just more work, and buying meaningless gifts for people that they don't really need.

So that's my rant.

Who knows, I may feel different about things in years to come, but for now...let's just get Christmas done and over with.

How to wear a child stylishly

2007-12-11T09:45:00.000-06:00

This is similar to what I look like when I'm wearing a child on my hip. But this is just a much better looking picture, and without the lack of winter wear, it almost looks like it's a breeze to wear the child there.

So....picture me wearing a child in a snowsuit in noe of these things on my hip. I'm also pushing a stroller with one hand because my other arm still has to support the other kid. Then add a 3 year old to that who I insist holds onto the stroller.

This is what I look like 2 days a week.

This is why it's exhausting.

We set it up

2007-12-11T09:18:00.000-06:00

Our christmas tree is officially set up for another year. It will be up for a record of 2 weeks this year. It will be coming down on the 27th as has become tradition so that we can celebrate Kianna's birthday with a little more room in the house and make it feel like her birthday as well.

We usually have the tree up about the first weekend of December, but the time just wasn't available. Also, the thought of telling 3 pairs of hands to stop touching the tree didn't thrill me either.

The tree has only been set up for less than 24 hours and I'm already ready to take it down.

It's going to be a long December.....

A New Addition......

2007-12-06T09:14:00.000-06:00

It's been a challenging couple of weeks.

Last week I started babysitting a friend's little guy full time. He has just turned one so now I have my nearly 4 year old, my 19 month old, and now another one year old. It's a full and busy house!

It didn't help that me and the the rest of my family have been sick as well as our new addition. So that's been something to get through. Most of us are feeling better. Kianna had to miss preschool on Tuesday because she had been throwing up but she seems to be okay now.

There have also been many new adjustments made around our home with the presence of this third child. I think that time is the biggest factor. It takes longer to eat meals, clean up messes, and getting them all down for nap time after lunch.

Kianna has preschool 2 times a week in the mornings. I tried a different way of transporting all of the kids to school today. Kianna can walk of course, but the other two can't handle that walk. I put Spencer in the stroller and I put Liam in the borrowed wrap that I acquired. I still have to get used to tying the wrap just right and Liam has to adjust to being in it. He wasn't crazy about the idea of being so close to me.

I think I'd have to laugh if I saw myself walking down the street with these 3 kids. One walking and holding onto the stroller, the second one in the stroller, and the third one slung onto my hip.

These walks to school and back are quite the workout!

Anyway, it's a new way of life around our household. We're still getting used to it but I'm sure that once we've all adjusted to this new routine, life will be a little less chaotic.

And less chaos means I'll be able to start thinking a little more clearly instead of just trying to make it from day to day.

Team Hoyt - Redeemer

2007-12-02T22:15:00.001-06:00

I was inspired by this today.

Just watch and reflect on the love God has for us just as this father cares and loves his own son.

Well,

2007-11-28T19:09:00.000-06:00

It's official.

Me and the other 3 people in my immediate family are all sick with colds. It's sure not fun having to be the caretaker and be fighting off a minor fever at the same time. UGH!

But, as a parent, you do what you have to, and maybe even suffer later because of that. For example....it'll probably take me longer to get over this silly cold.

It doesn't help that life seems to be picking up speed with the fast approach of the Christmas season. Concerts, parties, and other commitments seem to be filling up our calendar with record speed this year.

I just hope I can keep up.

I don't like being.....

2007-11-26T11:45:00.001-06:00

sick. yuck.

I'm Back!!!

2007-11-25T23:57:00.000-06:00

I'm thrilled! I am offically back online with regular internet access.

The Blanket

2007-11-21T11:01:00.000-06:00

I sit here looking outside at the freshly fallen snow. As much as I appreciate the beauty of this image, I can't help but feel a little frustrated by the appearance of this crystallized water. It only serves to make life a little more difficult as I try to accomplish my daily tasks. Driving on the icy roads, pushing a stroller down the icy sidewalk, walking so carefully so that I don't take a fall. All of these things contribute to my dislike of winter.

However, I like that the snow covers up the ugly browns of late fall. It's fresh and appealing. It's similar to how God's love and forgiveness can cover up the ugliness of my heart. It still doesn't mean things will be easy but they will have improved. Just as there is beauty in the midst of a fresh snowfall, there can be beauty within if only we allow the one who created us to cover us with his blanket of white.

What do I care?

2007-11-17T18:18:00.000-06:00

It seems that in this world, every single person I know has their own battle to fight.

Some are deeply hurting due to choices they've made. Others are suffering as a result of another's actions.

It's guaranteed that people are going to experience pain in this life. Grief over losing a loved one. Heartache over the break up of a family. Frustration and an urge to fix things as we watch others make bad choices who then continue on to suffer the consequences of those choices.

I'm trying to discipline myself to go beyond the cursory "how are you" as I talk with others. I really do care about what's happening in their lives but even I am prone to ask the age old question only expecting the usual answer of "fine."

I am sometimes surprised by what people have to say if their answer isn't "fine."

I asked someone that today. He first said "it could be better, but do you really wanna know?" Of course I wanted to know so I encouraged him to share. This guy and 4 of his buddies had flown here to Saskatchewan from Maine for a hunting trip. The only luggage that arrived with them 2 days ago were their rifles. The other 8 bags of luggage between them had not yet made it to Saskatoon. They arrived at the airport with no luggage and then proceeded to the budget booth where they had booked a vehicle over 6 months ago. Budget did not have the promised vehicle so this group of guys wound up having to pay another 1100 dollars in order to get 2 smaller vehicles than the original larger one that was requested. As a result of having to wait for their luggage, these guys have had to book motel rooms for 2 or 3 nights which was yet another unexpected cost to them. Then, one of their vehicles got a flat tire. They drove all over Saskatoon looking for a place who would be willing to fix their tire. They went to 5 or 6 places and finally came to my place of work. We were able to do this for them. I'm sure they'll never come to Saskatchewan again after this terrible start to their hunting trip. I felt terrible for them.

The whole point of me explaining this is that it really does matter when you ask someone how they are doing. These guys weren't having a very good go of it but they were glad to have someone to vent to a little bit. I sure didn't mind listening. I know that sharing things can help relieve the frustration levels, even if it's just a little bit.

Here's a few questions for you to think about:

Have we become blind to what's happening in the lives of those around us?

Would we rather be ignorant to the needs of others so that we don't feel the pressure to care?

Are we so wrapped up in ourselves that we have lost all desire to focus on anyone else?

Are we scared that people might ask us how we are truly doing and we would prefer to keep that secret?

Do we know how to respond to someone who doesn't answer "fine"?

Where are you at?

Think about it.

I'll be back......Soon

2007-11-16T12:07:00.001-06:00

So, here's the verdict. My computer had to be completely wiped and I'm having to start over from scratch. I'll be getting my computer back on the 23rd of the month so I'll have regular internet access again after that. I've been going through withdrawel by not having my internet.

I hope to be back blogging on a regular basis sooner than later I hope.

Viruses

2007-11-07T21:12:00.000-06:00

I am sorry to report that my computer contracted a virus and has subsequentally stopped allowing me to even access the desktop on my computer. I'm assuming that this will be my last post here for awhile.

I hope to still be around and check things out as I find internet access at other people's houses.

I will be bringing my computer in to the "Doctor" soon and I will hopefully have this situation resolved within the next few weeks.

Someday I'll have a computer that works properly.....

So long for now everyone.....

Unloved

2007-11-06T20:26:00.000-06:00

Without love, no one gets hurt
Hearts aren't broken
Lives aren't shattered

Without Love, being alone is okay
No yearning for what once was
No yearning for what will never be

Without Love, people can't get hurt
There is no room for disappointment
Tears aren't shed for another's actions

Without Love, there is no void needing fulfillment
No emptyness to cope with
No longings for more

Without Love, there is no need for others
It's all about self-sufficiency
The strongest will survive

Without Love, there is no life.

What's the point in living a life devoid of love?

You want me to do what????

2007-11-03T23:33:00.000-06:00

What does it mean to love unconditionally?

The group I was discussing this with the other night came to a consensus.

To love a person unconditionally, one would be willing to die for someone else.
To love a person unconditionally, one would have the ability to forgive after being wronged in the worst way imaginable.

We were imagining what it would be like to be the parents of a murdered child and being able to forgive the murderer and even love them. As a parent to two young children myself, the thought of being in that kind of situation absolutely terrifies me.

Would I have the capacity to love and forgive on such a drastic scale?

We then changed the names of the people in that particular situation.

Murdered child- Jesus
Parent of the murdered child- God
Murderer- all of humanity

John 3:16- For God so loved the world (unconditionally), that He gave his one and only son. That whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.

Jesus gave His life that we might live.
Could I sacrifice my life for someone who I knew would not fully appreciate what I'd done for them?

Are we as mankind even able to embrace what it truly means to love unconditionally?

Now that I'm a parent, I believe I'm a little bit closer to grasping this concept.

However, I know that I am no where near comprehending the fullness of it nor am I sure that I am even capable of it.

After all, I'm human.

This was running through my head today....

2007-11-02T00:48:00.000-06:00

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE
Artist: MercyMe

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

[Chorus]:
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
When I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeahh
I can only imagine, yeaahhh

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence, to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeahhh
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeahh
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all i will do
Is forever
Forever worship you
I can only imagine...

There's lots of hidden meaning to this song. I've been to 2 funerals in the past few years of people who were my age. This song was performed at both. Both of those people were Christians, so I know that they are no longer imagining things...they know....

Here's something to make you think

2007-11-01T09:30:00.000-06:00

"If you were arrested for being a Christian, would they find enough evidence to prove you guilty of being one?"

Think about it.

To Trick or Treat?

2007-10-31T11:04:00.000-06:00

With today being halloween, I have resigned myself to the fact that my doorbell will be ringing as princesses and ninja turtles walk up and down the sidewalk seeking out some candy.

I'm ok with that.

I won't be home!

We will be taking our kids out and about to get their own share of the candy available to them. Kianna will be all dressed up as a dalmation and Spencer will be a very cute bunny rabbit. If he was any older he wouldn't be able to get away with wearing this costume, but I love it!

I know that many people, especially Christians have a problem with allowing their kids to be involved in the activities associated with halloween. I, myself, have no problem with allowing my kids to go from door to door, under parental supervision of course, to say the practiced "trick or treat" to the person who answers the knock.

It's been fun being able to look forward to going out tonight with the kids. Kianna can't wait and this will be Spencer's first time actually trick or treating. Of course we have to make the traditional stop at grandma's house so that she can see what her darlings have dressed up as this year but other than that, we'll be out and about knocking on other peoples doors.

For our family, halloween is all about the fun of dressing up and of course going out to get some much wanted candy. What kid wouldn't want that?

I like this song....

2007-10-29T15:50:00.000-06:00

Lots of meaning to this one.

Cry Out To Jesus
Artist: Third Day

To everyone who's lost someone they love long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They've lost all of their faith in love
And they've done all they can to make it right again
Still, it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up, but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame and your suffering

When you're lonely, and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus, cry out to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone, wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

Evolution can be a good thing.....

2007-10-27T18:05:00.001-06:00

I've been sitting here for awhile trying to figure out what to write. There has been much that has been happening lately but it's quite difficult to describe.

My ways of thinking and viewing things are being challenged and it's been a mind- bending journey thus far.

It's hard for me to comprehend all that's happening around me. I observe the way those around me live, interact with each other, and use what they are good at to bless and challenge others. Life evolves before my very eyes and I don't mean in the Darwinian sense of the word. People are constantly changing. There is no plateau onto which people are cast.

I make choices all the time. These choices affect who I am as well as display to others what might possibly be buried deep beneath my skin. How I treat others and respond to their needs screams of what's deep down inside of me. Do I really care? or am I just trying to go through the motions because I have more important things on my mind and better things to do?

I know that I have been evolving.

Transparency

2007-10-22T21:04:00.000-06:00

I've been learning recently what it means to be authentic with others. It's been a challenging lesson so far.

Why is it that people fear authenticity with others?

There are many reasons as to why people keep from showing their true emotion. The fear of rejection, fears of being vulnerable and hurt, the fear of admitting one is not as put together as others might think. These are all fears which I have.

I've been very good at pretending that I've had things well put together my whole life. Very few people have seen past that and know without a doubt that I am not as put together as I claim I am.

I've learned,rather painfully, what happens to a person who is not truly authentic with others.

I recently learned what it's like to put aside those fears and just allow others to see directly into my heart.

I'm not saying that you should unload all your deepest and darkest secrets to a person you just barely met. For me it was a group of people whom I already knew cared about me. The security and trust was already built. Keeping things bottled up inside allows things to brew and expand so that it's nearly impossible not to explode at one point. Opening up to others doesn't mean that things are better, but now I have the support of close friends who can come alongside me and be there when I need it the most.

Despite the fears I had, none of them were realized. I was accepted, encouraged and shown much love by those whom I opened up to.

It's nice to know that there are those who care so much about me that they won't leave me where I am at.

Does anyone know how....

2007-10-18T08:00:00.000-06:00

to make a little girl stop tattling on her little brother?

I've had it!

Any suggestions?

"Hello, is....

2007-10-16T19:39:00.000-06:00

C. (insert last name here) there?"

I have a feeling that most people are like me and absolutely detest these kind of phone calls. I have call display and I miss most of them by just the simple fact of ignoring anything that shows up with an 800 number on the phone.

Today I got one such call.

I answered that yes, I was who they were looking for. (I'm too polite to hang up right away...it's one of my downfalls sometimes)

They immediately started off on the expected "you have been pre-approved for this credit card" speil.

I've gotten better at politely cutting them off and stating that I'm not interested in what they are going to say.

"I'm not interested in getting another credit card."

The problem is, some of these telemarketers JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!

"But ma'am, with the interest rate...."

"I said I'm not interested!"

I wound up hanging up on this person today after stating at least 3 times that I wasn't interested.

The last words to leave my mouth were "have a nice day!."

I just get so frustrated that these people keep calling and I say no every time.

They call a few times a month and more if we don't answer the phone. I just see the numbers on my phone.

I know these people are just doing their job, but when can they start to understand that no really does mean no?

It's just like telling a one year old to stop touching what he can't have. They just keep doing it!!!!!

Unexpected Brightness

2007-10-13T16:57:00.000-06:00

I had to work today, which was fine by me because it's a chance to get out of the house and do grownup things and talk to actual grownup people.

Part of my job is to answer the phones. I don't mind it at all. Actually, I quite enjoy it.

This afternoon I answered the phone as usual with the automatic greeting departing from my lips. On the other end was a lady who, by the extra noise I could hear in the background, was a passenger in her vehicle as her husband was driving.

In uptight tones from what I could hear, he was relaying his comments through his wife to me. They had a flat tire in need of repair and were wondering if they could come in to get it fixed. So I told them it would be okay to come in.

They arrived shortly after that but by then I had moved onto other things and had quickly forgotten our brief exchange of words.

This couple entered the shop. He headed straight for the order desk and she came and spoke to me. This time with her own words and not those of a frustrated husband.

"Thank you for your patience on the phone."

That's all she said.

I was amazed at how something so small could be a bright spot in my day. Here I was, just doing my job, and someone really appreciated it even though, in my mind anyway, it was something quite small.

What if we were to pass on our appreciation to the unsuspecting in our lives? One never knows when their kind words, even about the most minor of things, might brighten up someone else's day.

Try it.

You may just surprise yourself....and them!

Casting Cares......

2007-10-06T20:31:00.000-06:00

Something struck me the other day as I was starting to get stressed out over something that was going on. I am the type of person who takes too much on and I feel that I need to fix everything and if I can't fix it then I end up internalizing it and that's not good for a person, it's not good for me. The verse "Cast all your cares upon Him (God) because He cares for you" started to repeat itself again and again and again in my mind. A simple statement loaded with purpose and meaning.

What does it really mean to cast my cares? What is it that I need to do in order to follow the direction given in that verse? Webster's dictionary states that cast can mean "to throw or fling;to throw off or shed." Better yet, here's what the thesaurus says. "Cast"-abandon, chuck, discard, dispense with, ditch, dump, drop, get rid of, leave behind, reject, scrap, shed, throw out, toss out, and unload." It's clear here that we are to leave, abandon, and unload our cares onto the one who made us. You would think that something stated so simply would be a simple thing to accomplish, but it's not. People, by nature, like to hold onto things whether it be out of fear, pride, uncertainty or a whole bunch of other reasons. I am not immune to this. I am just as human as everyone else. I struggle with the act of discarding, unloading, or tossing my cares onto anyone. I'm the type of person who struggles to let go of things. I like to think that I can handle it and that I can fix it myself. I tend to believe that I need to be the strong one and that I can't display my weaknesses to others for fear of rejection or coming across as a failure. I've been learning, rather painfully, the consquences of holding onto that. It almost seems like it's way too easy to do that, to give everything to Him and then that's the end of it.

This make me wonder what life would be like if I gave in and threw away those cares, let them pass from my mind. What would it be like if I allowed myself to follow that suggestion? I know it would be different. How different? I think I'm scared to see because as painful as things happen to be right now, at least I'm familiar with it. The unknown is a terrifying thing.

"Because He cares for (me)." Who am I that the God of all creation should want to take on my burdens, my pain, my longings and desires? Who am I that He should show me any consideration at all? I am a sinner. I am human. I am weak and full of pride. What would life be like if I truly believed that with all of my being? I can only hope to find out someday. The "Sunday-school" answer would be that yeah, life would be great! However, knowing something in my head and really believing it in my heart are two very different things.

"Cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you."

Simply stated, powerful design.

Sometimes it's the simplest of things that are the most difficult to acheive.

Update

2007-09-29T09:03:00.000-06:00

This is for the people who think that it's time for me to post here again....

Life has been hectic now with the beginning of autumn. I have been working a little bit more, which is nice because it gets me out of the house. I've filled in a little bit more than I expected to because now there have been 2 fulltime girls who have been hired since I stopped being fulltime and both of them have quit. Hopefully the third time's a charm. I've been filling in between all of these girls quitting and beginning and who knows where we're going anymore.

Kianna started preschool this fall and she's absolutely loving it! She's always ready for it to be a preschool day. She goes 2 mornings a week. Next year she'll be in kindergarten....WOW! My little girl is growing up so fast! She talks about her teachers, and what they did today, and her friends. She has no separation anxiety whatsoever, although, she never has had any to begin with. She likes her independence.

Spencer is growing fast too. He's walking and running and climbing and getting into everything! He follows his big sis around and copies what she does...good or bad. He's alot of fun right now and easy to please.

It's also busier around our home with different things starting up. Youth group a couple nights a week and small group another night. It's alot of fun! We really enjoy what we're doing.

My sister just got engaged so we are starting to prepare for her wedding. Kianna will be flowergirl for her. The wedding is Janurary 5, 2008...so not that far away. Today I am going wedding dress shopping with her and my mom in Edmonton. It should be a blast. Then later we are going to Ikea...which is just as good.

For those of you who try to read my blog regularly, it may be another long stretch before I post again...lol....

No More Work...

2007-08-15T19:34:00.000-06:00

I am no longer working fulltime. It turned out to be just too much to do with 2 little ones at home. It was a struggle to find childcare and have both of us working. It also just didn't make sense financially either. If 70% of my check was going to go towards childcare then what's the point of working fulltime when I could work part time, be at home, and bring home the same amount of money.

Kianna is starting preschool this September. I really wanted to be home and do the mom thing for that. I didn't want to miss out. She's growing up so fast. We also got her hair cut this week. We took at least 6 inches off. Instead of her hair going almost to her bum when wet, it now goes till just below the top of her shoulders. She looks so much older!

Spencer has now learned to climb up on furniture. You can see his satisfaction with this new skill every time he manages to climb on the couch, or me, or whatever else is climbable. He's growing fast too!

I'm just so glad to be home now!

Life in the Fast Lane

2007-07-26T18:58:00.000-06:00

I've been officially working for 2 whole weeks now. Life's been a whole lot busier than normal with this job. It looks like I won't be staying on full-time at that company for long though. It's just not working out. That's the decision that both me and my employer have come to. I will however, continue to work Saturdays for them. This way I can still have the experience to post on my resume and have a great job reference as well. Jumping into things so quick with having 2 little ones at home has been harder than I thought it would be. I'm still needed at home. I can't let them be raised by others at this stage in their lives. I still have a week or 2 left before I'm finished my full-time work and that means I still need childcare for those weeks. There's no point in searching for a daycare now because I won't need it for long. I also get to take my daughter to preschool. I was quite upset on missing out on that opportunity, so maybe things are as they should be after all.

Travels

2007-07-10T10:02:00.000-06:00

We are currently visiting some friends in Manitoba. On the way here we learned some valuable things. 1) Deer will cross the road despite your desperate attempts to avoid them. 2) Babies get tired of their carseats after 5 hours of driving and 3) Books and toys are sufficient for traveling with young children. The kids did so well on the road. Kianna looked at her books and Spencer just sat there watching out the window. They were quite content with the activities we had brought for them. Plus a stop at the Golden Arches for lunch in Yorkton always seems to help things. Kianna had a chance to run around in the play area for a bit and Spencer was just as happy to be out of his carseat. I just hope that the kids will travel as well when we head home on Thursday.

On a side note....We are desperately looking for childcare for both children for next week starting Monday. If you know of anyone who might be available just to do it for next week please let me know. Like I said.....WE ARE DESPERATE!!!!

2007-07-06T19:59:00.000-06:00

I've just had an experience today that I never would have dreamed of in a million years. I got a job and I did absolutely nothing to get it. It started off with a phonecall from a friend who knew of someone looking for a receptionist for his company. My friend thought of me right away and gave me a call. This was at about 1 pm today. He didn't have the number on him right then to pass on to me to call this company so he said that he would call me later with it. In the meantime, I get a phonecall from this company asking me if I'd come in for an interview today. By then it was about 2 pm. I arrived there in my not so stylish hot summer day kinda clothes (because she said not to worry about being fancy..thank goodness!) and proceed to get interviewed. The interview went well, she just asked me a few questions about my experience in the workworld and such. After all was said and done she said that she had to talk to the boss and that she hoped to get back to me before the day ended. I left and that was it. I was home by 3pm. At 3:45 I get a phonecall. "We'd like to you start on the 16th as we agreed." I've never had it so easy finding a job!

I'll be a receptionist at a wholesale tire company. I've always wanted this type of job. It's right up my alley. It's full-time Monday-Friday, 7:30-4:30. Lyndon's work hours are 8-4:30 so it works out perfect that he could drive me to work and pick me up everyday. The work attire is also very casual. Just jeans and a works shirt. I'm quite excited about this cause that means I don't have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe to accomadate this job. Yay! The challenge now will be to find appropriate childcare. I'm sure we'll find something. With the ease of obtaining this job, I know that there will be something out there for us in terms of taking care of our kids. So if you know of anyone who can take care of 2 little ones, let me know.

Choices

2007-06-08T14:27:00.000-06:00

Choices. We make them everyday. What should I wear? Should I shower? What to have for breakfast....we are always making choices.
There are some things that people don't realize are choices. One of these choices is choosing to listen for God's voice and direction. So many people don't realize that this is a choice. It's a choice to get up everyday and get into the word and spend time with God. It's a choice to actually listen to what He is telling you. It's another choice to respond and obey what he is telling you.

Many people base this on feeling. It's easy to say that "I feel like God has stopped talking to me" or "I don't feel like listening to Him anymore." If everything in our lives were based on feelings then we'd all be basket cases. These choices are important. We need to make that choice to keep listening to Him. We may not always like what He has to say but He is there speaking to us.

The next choice to make is how we respond to Him. Are we going to obey and do as He wishes? or are we going to ignore Him and continue on in our own way?

What are you going to choose?

Hidden Treasures

2007-06-02T10:57:00.000-06:00

Have I said just how much I love garage saling? Well, I love garage saling! Today is our neighborhood's community garage sale. I went out looking just to look and with no intentions of actually buying anything. At the second house I stopped at I found a couple of things worth buying. These are the only things I found today. I bought 2 booster seats that are exactly like the one we have. They were $2.00 a piece and I definitely could not pass that up. Brand new they are worth over $30 dollars each. It's always good to have something like that on hand for company or travelling. Can you tell I'm a mom? I'm excited over finding quality booster seats at a cheap price! Yay for garage saling!

Red and Yellow, Black and White....

2007-05-31T08:30:00.001-06:00

Here's one story I have from Mexico that may have impacted me the most.

We went to a work camp on the Tuesday night that we were there. The living conditions consisted of a couple of concrete buildings made into row housing. Every family got to claim a small dark room for themselves. This is in the desert so everything is brown, dusty, and dirty. Adults and children did not have much in terms of warm jackets or blankets. The children were dirty and could have desperately used a bath. Most of the kids were barefoot while alot of the adults had sandals on. It was a very cool night. I was freezing by the time we left.

As we were there I had the opportunity to hold a baby. This baby girl was no more than 2 months old, maybe even younger. She had a dirty, short-sleeved onesie on, an old crocheted toque, little blue mittens, and socks that the orphanage volunteers had brought. She was wrapped in a dirty, dirty blanket and a filthy pink bath towel. My heart just ached for this child and her mother. As a mom I couldn't imagine raising my own children in such poverty.

I realized that this mom and I had much in common. We both wanted what's best for our children. We both loved our children. We both would do anything to protect them. It didn't matter that I was Canadian and she was Mexican. It didn't matter that I spoke english and she spoke spanish. None of this mattered because the same God who created me and my children also created her and her children. That's what we had in common.

This makes me think of the children's song "Jesus Loves the Little Children." It goes like this...Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, we are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.

There is so much truth to that children's song. He loves all of us despite our differences, our race, our language. It's incredible.

Back From Mexico....

2007-05-29T07:52:00.000-06:00

I arrived back from Mexico on Saturday night. What an amazing week. Our team of 24 was able to serve at an orphanage in Vicente Guerrero, Mexico. Everybody learned a whole lot on this trip including me.

Prayer....it works. Everyone we spoke to at the orphanage had a story. It all began with a need, then they prayed for it and God responded and provided for that need. This is something that happens daily out there. It's incredible. It doesn't matter how big or how small the need is, God still hears and answers.

Love...everyone needs it. As we served out there we learned that it doesn't matter if you can speak in the same language or even come from similar backgrounds, as long as love is there you can communicate with anyone. The kids would wrap their arms around our necks and just be so thrilled to have someone to play with and love them.

One thing I learned to appreciate about Saskatchewan were our flat and straight highways. I struggled alot with being carsick on this trip and I also caught a cold. My supply of gravol was quickly depleted. I could never live in the mountains that's for sure. Thank goodness for a team of people who loved me enough to pray for me while I was sick.

That's all I have for now...there will be more stories to come...

Ok, Ok, I know it's been forever....

2007-05-11T14:20:00.000-06:00

There is much that has happened since my last post. We've just celebrated Spencer's first birthday and he is growing so fast. He took his first steps 2 days before his birthday. How exciting is that??!!! I was worried I might miss this first of his. I thought I might be in Mexico for it.
Speaking of Mexico...it's only a week away! AAAHH! I'm not ready...still so many little things to buy and prepare for. I'm sure I'll be ready by Saturday but getting there will be the challenge. We have to be at the airport by 4 am Saturday morning..yikes that's early! Oh well, we can sleep on the plane, right?
Lots of big things coming up for our family with the missions trip and some other stuff. Should make for an interesting few months.

My Little Man

2007-04-08T18:28:00.000-06:00

It's almost been a year since this little person joined our family. Time sure flies fast. He's working at walking along the furniture, crawling anywhere he can squeeze his little body through, and smiling like crazy when either Lyndon, Kianna or myself are in his sight. You wouldn't know from this pic that he can put on quite the pouty face, which he is doing at this precise moment. Anyway, there's my little man.

Let's Play Ball

2007-04-08T17:55:00.000-06:00

Kianna is growing up so fast. Today she got her very first glove, ball and bat. She was so excited. Daddy was out back teaching her all his tricks. I was pretending to try her glove on and she got quite possessive. "That's my glove mommy" she says. One of these days we are going to enroll her in something. I do know that whatever it is that we put her in, she's going to love it.

Payback

2007-04-06T18:12:00.000-06:00

I'm learning that there is truth to the old adage "what goes around comes around."As a parent of a 3 year old girl, I have been learning many, many things. One thing though, is that it doesn't take long for a child to display typical male/female attitudes. Here is why. I was busy on the computer and Kianna kept wanting to touch some buttons. I had said no a couple of times and finally I cupped her face in my hands, made her look me in the eyes, and told her to repeat after me "I will not touch the buttons anymore." Well, in true female form, she turned around, crossed her arms, and stuck out that bottom lip. I tried to get her to turn around and look at me again but she would not budge. So, as a result of a bad decision made on her part, she was sent to her room. She did not like that one bit.

She reminds me a lot of me when I was a kid. I could be, and still am, very stubborn. I wouldn't budge if my life depended on it! Well, God's giving me payback now with a daughter who is every bit as stubborn as I am. So, remember, what goes around really does come around!

Unwanted Reactions

2007-04-04T07:52:00.000-06:00

So, I thought I was okay after getting my shots. My arm was hurting a little bit like the nurse said it would but nothing to worry about. Well, being that I got a tetanus and twinrix, which both have fever listed in their reactions, I came down with a fever last night. I was supposed to go out last night and that sure didn't happen. It's been a long time since I've felt that way and I hope it's a long time before I feel that way again. Being cold is not one of my favorite things. I had 3 blankets wrapped around me at one point and I was still freezing. The only part of me that wasn't internally frozen was my face which was sooooo hot. What an icky feeling! This reaction was new for me. I've never reacted to anything like this before. Oh well, like I said in my last post, I'm a big girl, I'll get over it. I think I'm better today. We'll see as the day wears on. I hope so I don't want to miss 2 nights of activity in a row.

I'm Stuck

2007-04-03T13:55:00.000-06:00

I went to get my shots today. They really weren't that bad. Just a little prick in each arm. It's nothing like getting an epidural. That's probably because they weren't shoving a giant needle into my spine! Now, however, I have much more sympathy for my children when they have to get their shots. The arm I got the twinrix in is a little bit sore but I'm a big girl, I'll get over it. I also had to get my tetanus as well. It seem that I hadn't gotten that done since 1994 and you're supposed to get that one every 10 years. Well, now I'm good for another 10. That's great. I shouldn't need anymore vaccinations until then. Spencer's the next one who needs to get shots, that's for his one year shots. I'm sure he'll be fine. Then I won't have to bring him in for a while to get more. I think the one's they get after that is when they are 5 years old.
Anyway, I'm stuck and I survived. That's about it.

Getting Stuck

2007-04-02T13:53:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I get to go get stuck. I need to get my hep A and hep B vaccinations before I go to Mexico on a missions trip. It's one thing for me to bring in my children to get their shots because I'm there to hold them still, it's completely different when it's my turn. Mind you, I usually just turn my head and don't look but it has been a while since I've had to be stuck with anything. The last time that happened I was in full-blown labour getting an epidural! I guess compared to that, these needles won't be so bad.
I have vivid memories of going to get my needles when I was 5. The health center was still at the cosmo civic center and we had to walk up a long ramp to get to the right floor. Then I was asked if I wanted to sit by myself or on mom's lap. Well, of course I chose mom's lap. It must have been a fairly traumatic experience for me to remember all of those details. Oddly enough, I'd like to be a nurse someday. I must have gotten over my fear of needles!
Oh well, I'll let you guys know how the needles went and if I passed out! The only thing is that I have to bring the kids along because there's nobody to babysit at that time of day so I'm hoping that they won't hinder the process at all. Kianna will be very curious about it and Spencer will just be wanting to move around. I guess I'll see how they do.

Easter Eggs

2007-03-31T14:20:00.000-06:00

Today Kianna got to make Easter eggs with her friend Jake. Of course, with Kianna being a girl, she was totally into it. She wore her apron proudly, sat at the table and proceeded to colour on the eggs with the white crayon she had been given. Then she would carefully dip the eggs in the coloured water so that it wouldn't splash everywhere. She was quite impressed with her eggs and wanted to show daddy as soon as we got home. Jake on the other hand did sit there but as soon as the last egg was coloured that apron came off and back he went to play elsewhere. I am starting to be able to tell more and more the difference between girls and boys. Kianna loves to help me bake, cook and clean. Her friend on the other hand doesn't have any interest in that kind of stuff at all. He's more into pretending and acting out different things that he has seen. Kianna will be a good mom when she's older but right now she has too much fun being mom to everyone else. In other words, she has too much fun bossing everyone around!
So, I think, that this was a good day.

All Growed Up

2007-03-30T13:25:00.000-06:00

So today I registered Kianna for the preschool class of 2007. We went to check out the preschool and Kianna loved it. She almost wasn't registered because I had completely forgotten that today was registration day. It was by accident that I remembered because I was talking to someone about Kianna and how she would be in preschool this fall and then UH OH! I gotta go do this preschool thing TODAY!
As a result of my forgetfulness we missed the rush and arrived pretty much after everyone else had left. That was nice because there sure wasn't room for a whole lot of grown-ups in that classroom. We were fortunate enough to have gotten into the desired class of our choice. There are up to 16 kids in a class and Kianna was signed up as #14.
Kianna was allowed to check out some activities there and had a good time playing and colouring. She did that while I signed my life away in the cheque book. She didn't want to leave. She's already asked when she gets to go back to school. She's going to be asking me everyday until that happens and that's not happening until the beginning of September. AAAHHHH!!! She is more than ready to enter the world of academia.
My little girl is all growed up. She's big enough for school. I just can't believe it!

Blood Stained

2007-03-29T23:50:00.000-06:00

With Easter fast approaching I was thinking that I need to start remembering what Easter is really all about. It is so easy to get caught up in the chocolate mini eggs, fuzzy bunnies, and commercialism. This is a poem that I wrote in high school and that I want to share with you. When you are finished reading this, maybe sit back and take a minute to reflect on what Jesus has done for you.

Blood Stained

Trampled, he rose
Spat upon, he did not speak
Whipped, he did not cry
The jeering crowd pushed him on
The minutes turning into millenniums
He, an innocent man, was sent to die for doing miracles on the Sabbath
For healing people, for giving hope to the hopeless
He carried the cross, the shame, the humiliation upon his back
Sharp splinters tore through his skin like a knife
A crown of thorns caused blood
To trickle down his pain stricken face
Guards cast lots for his blood stained clothing-rags
A double-edged sword, shoved through his side
Blood and water freely flowed
Nails driven through his hands and feet
His cries of anguish made the strongest man shudder
Put up on a cross for all to see and mock
The power to cease the terror, the pain, only a faint whisper away
"It is finished"
The terror ended
The pain gone
He had fulfilled his purpose here on earth
The only sound left to be heard was the weeping of his mother

A Bump on the Head

2007-03-28T10:15:00.000-06:00

In the last few days I've been noticing more and more how much Spencer will mimic what I say to him. Of course, me being his mom and all, I'm trying to get him to say mommy or mama or something along those lines. This morning I was saying "mama" and he would say something with the proper inflection but not the mmm part of the word. He's growing up so fast and the fact that he is working on his speech already just astounds me.
Spencer is also starting to walk along furniture. He just hangs on for dear life as he tries to step his way along the expanse of the couch. He still falls down and bumps his head. When that happens he cries, I pick him up to comfort him, and set him back down even though he doesn't like that I'm putting him down. He'll put up a bit of a fuss because the memory of falling is still fresh in his mind and then not minutes later, he's back to being the happy little boy that he is.
Now, compare this to how God feels about us as his children. We edge our way along life on unstable legs, and boom, we fall down and get hurt. We cry and God picks us up and comforts us. Then it's his turn to put us back down and say "it's ok, you can do it, try again." We may not like it at first because the memory of being hurt is still fresh in our minds but somehow we get past it and move on.
As a mom I am realizing more and more how God thinks of me as his child. He will always be there to pick me up and wipe away the tears. He will always be there to encourage me along the way. Of course, he will also always be there to discipline me when I deserve it. Lastly, He will always be there to love me no matter what I do.
Amazing.

If Mary was on Birth Control...

2007-03-26T22:01:00.000-06:00

So a friend of mine and I were talking about birth control and how some religions don't agree with the use of it. There is one religion I heard about the other day where they don't believe in birth control because every child born could possibly be the messiah and you don't want to prevent the messiah from being born. These families in the religion are all large. There are maybe 15 kids in one family! That's insane. I have a hard enough time trying to handle two children. We eventually got to the point about how if Mary was on birth control, we'd all be hooped. Of course, as a Christian, I know that God can work around birth control and a friend of mine can agree with that. I also know that Mary had the best form of birth control and that was abstinence. But just imagine....

No you're Grammar

2007-03-26T12:35:00.000-06:00

Ok, so the title was spelled wrong on purpose.
Apparently I know my grammer quite well. How do you fare?

Your Language Arts Grade: 98%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Taco Lunch

2007-03-25T16:53:00.000-06:00

Today was the taco lunch that the missions team, which I am a part of, put on for the church. This lunch was a huge fundraising event to build a rehab center in the part of Mexico we are going to. I'd have to say it was very successful. We raised a boatload of money.
My part in this event was what I would title "kitchen co-ordinator". I was making sure that all the food went out as it was supposed to, the tables were properly set, and that everything in general was taken care of. I discovered that despite my great dislike for the food service industry that I did okay today. I've never been in a position before where I was able to delegate responsibility to others. It was fantastic. It also helped that everyone worked as a team and that I never had to ask twice for anything to be accomplished. This was an awesome experience to have with this team. This is only a shadow of things to come as we work as a team in Mexico. If we can keep up this unity then we will surely be on our way to great things. Wow!
The only bad part about today is that my feet are sore and that I still have pink hairspray on my scalp. Oh yeah, we all spraypainted our hair once we reached the $2500 mark and so mine was a lovely hot pink. Needless to say that I showered as soon as I got home.

Spring Time Birthdays

2007-03-24T19:59:00.000-06:00

I do truly enjoy spring. The snow is finally going away, the sun is shining and I can leave my curtains open a whole lot longer before the general public are given entrance into my living room. Kianna quite likes that the snow is going away. This is because I had told her several weeks ago that the snow had to go away and come back again before it would be her birthday. Her birthday isn't till the 27th of December. She's always asking if it's her birthday. Shortly after I had told her about the snow going away and coming back, old man winter decided to give us another layer of the white stuff. Kianna looked out the window that morning, saw the snow, and said "It's my birfday, the snow is coming back!!" Now try explaining the concept of time to a 3 year old. It's nearly impossible. So, whenever we have company or anyone else in our home, it's always bound to be somebody's birthday.

Welcome everyone

2007-03-24T18:18:00.000-06:00

Welcome everyone to my very post on my very own blog. I am so excited to be able have a place where I can connect with people on a different level. I know that I may not know everyone who comes across this but I do hope this encourages you and brightens your day.